SAC White must not suggest using his genitals to fix broken kit or for anything other than their intended purpose
I’ve spent weeks thinking about whether I should write this book, thoughts like “I can barely string a sentence together, never mind write a whole book’ and ‘Nobody will give a shit about your story’ kept flying through my mind. But after enough pestering from my wife and friends I decided to give it a go. Plus (for some reason) some people seem to like hearing about what’s happened to me. But my main reason? Well this is an honest, upfront, no bullshit account of a bloke who suffered through severe mental health illness, through one of the shittiest times imaginable and came out the other side not only alive but loving life and if this book can give one person going through a rough time a light at the end of the tunnel to focus on then surely, it’s worth it, right?
I’m not much of a writer, like many people I’ve tried a few times through my life, each filled about 2 chapters and then I gave up, I guess the difference between then and now is now I’ve actually got a story to tell. I never knew enough about one subject to write anything interesting about it or I’ve never had an attention span long enough to let my imagination create a piece of fiction that was any good. But what’s to follow is 8 years of my life in which I started out by thinking I knew everything about life and myself.
Quickly and painfully, I learnt that I knew fuck all about anything, and then built a brand new me. None of this ‘New Year, new me’ bullshit, it’s more of a ‘new life, new me’. I’m not aiming to write an autobiography, my life really isn’t interesting enough for that but what I aim to do is use my story to show people that no matter how bad things get they will get better, maybe give some ideas for people on how to start turning things around and if it makes an interesting read for people in the process, well that’s a bonus. Just be warned, there are points in this story where things will get dark, I intend for this to be a completely honest, nothing held back account of my journey through mental health because I believe that people aren’t open enough about mental health. How can people feel safe to talk about their health issues if people still talk about mental health like they talk about sex toys? Mental health can be a very dark subject, but it can also make you do some pretty funny shit (such as printing out a photo of my Sergeants wife, make a paper cigar and display it in the office implying she’s a post-op Winston Churchill) but more on this later.
As a result of everything that’s happened to me I’ve learned that the strongest people are those who have shed every ounce of pride and ego, let their façade fall and have been to the bottom of the barrel. When you’ve come from the bottom, you’re a blank canvas and free to create whatever masterpiece you want. This is why whenever I hear someone say ‘I suffered/suffer from mental health’ I know they’re strong, their own head has been their worst enemy and relentlessly beat the shit out of them, but they have fought back and they’re still here, which means they have won. To those still suffering all I can say is keep going, keep fighting because you don’t yet realise just how strong you are, you’re a champion and although you may not be able to see the other side of that canvas, I promise you it’s there.
This is the story of how I went from what my best mate described as “really bad diarrhoea shit” mental health issues where I was a genuinely horrible and, in some ways, a dangerous person to someone who loves life, is genuinely happy in themselves and runs a successful business helping other people achieve their dream lives.
So why should you read the ramblings of an overweight 31-year-old Northerner? Well the fact that you’re reading it means there’s a good chance you’ve already paid for it, so you might as well. The main reason, however, is that not nearly enough people talk about mental health, and even if they do its usually pretty surface level or media friendly stuff. Nobody talks about the really shitty stuff. Hopefully, people will take something away from it, maybe it’s a message of hope, maybe it’s a lesson in fighting through adversity, it could be to learn a bit more about mental illness or maybe it’s that feeling when you’re at the train station looking at people and thinking ‘what’s their story?’ Well here’s mine.